One year on……

 Dear Granddad,

The days get ticked off the calendar each day, the seasons have passed. So here we are it’s been a year. So much has happened since you slipped away; the children are growing up so quickly.

Can you believe that G is 2 years old today! We’re taking him to the Zoo for a special day out. I may even let him have his face painted. He is the image of you; many others agree. He’s got your forehead, your colouring; he’s pigheaded and relentless in his moaning. Remind you of anyone? But despite these traits he is a very loving little boy. His favourite past-time is still eating; give a piece of meat and he is at his happiest.

T is 4 in September; 4 going on 14! Little Miss Chatterbox with a very large helping of attitude and sassiness. But she is very intelligent. She loves counting, writing and reading. A bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to insects – just like her mother. She has got one more year before she starts infant school, and by the time next year comes round she will be more than ready.

L is 9 and a half now and only has two more years left at primary school. Hard to believe isn’t it! I love the fact that you both very nearly almost shared a birthday. I did try. I hope you got the balloon we sent up for you on your birthday. She is does Jujitsu now. It’s a martial art which teaches defence. She is very good at it, and is being graded in 3 weeks for her next belt. She really is growing into such a beautiful girl.

You would be proud of all 3. Although I know they would bewilder you, as they always did. But they would make you smile and chuckle. God I miss hearing that!

All three, yes even G, remembers you. We say “Goodnight” to you each night before bed, and often talk about you. T remembers eating you out of grapes each time we came round . L has a few treasured photos on her bedroom walls, two of which are of you. You’re honoured actually, to share some wall space with all the posters of 1Direction (her favourite pop group) and Tom Daley.

I think of you every day. I have conversations with you quite regularly, I always win the argument though! But I hate not being able to talk to you.

I won’t lie the past year has been immensely hard on all of us, but in some ways your absence brought us all together a bit more, and made everyone realise that life is short. I suppose we thought you were tough as old boots and would always be here.

I saw a poem which helps me express how I feel about losing you. It’s not mine, and I’m unsure of who wrote it. But I’m grateful to whoever they may be.

The moment that you died

my heart was torn in two,

One side filled with heartache

the other died with you.

I often lie awake at night

when the world is fast asleep

and take a walk down memory lane

with tears upon my cheeks.

Remembering you is easy

I do it everyday

But missing you is heartache

that never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart

and there you will remain

Until my life on earth is done

when we meet again.

There we go Granddad, a very brief update on the children for you. It has been hard writing this; lump in throat, tears in my eyes, the usual. Hopefully it will get easier withย each year.

Buenas Noches

xx

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2 thoughts on “One year on……

  1. Appropriate post (you can’t say ‘good’ etc about such things),
    Sorry to have to tell you it doesn’t get easier, it just changes the way you remember and think about it. For me today (3rd September) is such a day, 45 years ago my dad died. And like you there is so much he doesn’t know.
    What is good is that you wrote about it.

  2. Another day – for they all fall in September. My brother, 53 years ago (September 14th) and the older I get it gets harder, and then sometimes I never give it a thought. Us humans are strange.

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