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Personality Vs birth placement

So I saw this picture on Twitter recently…..

children

 

It got me thinking about my children: Girl one is 10 years old (going on 17!), Girl two is very nearly 5 years old and the boy is 3 on Saturday. Does this apply to my children in any way?

Coincidently, I was recently struck by a realisation that despite I have brought my children up in the same way, by the same rules, values and beliefs; they are all very different in personality. Girl one is sporty, tomboy-ish, nervous and eager to please and fit in. Girl two is a girly-girl, wants everything purple and sparkly, wants to wear dresses, be a princess with lipstick. Boy is football mad (yes even at the tender age of 2!), loveable, stubborn and loves laughing, and wants a bit of everything. So even though they have been raised following the same rules as each other, their individualism is starting to creep out.

But does the pecking order of birth into the family have anything to do with it? I have looked at the list and broken it down.

I will start with the First born: Girl one

Natural leader: When amongst her siblings, yes she is very much a natural leader!

High Achiever: As with most children I suspect, only when it comes to subjects she likes, enjoys and is good at. Jujitsu for example, she is doing brilliantly with this.

Organised: Not at all! I am afraid that her bedroom is like a constant bomb-site, clothes everywhere, can never find anything let alone remember where she left something. Very much the opposite in fact.

On-time: Mostly, but as with any child her timekeeping is usually handled by the parent. I suppose I will have to watch this space on this one.

Know-it-all: She very much likes to think so, but she isn’t afraid of asking. She will argue her point, especially if she knows she is right. Like Mother like Daughter!

Bossy: Yes Very. A mini-me in this respect. Occasionally she will over step the mark with her siblings. But she does like a good boss-about.

Responsible: She likes to think she is, and when given the confidence is showing good signs that she can be.

On to Middle child – Girl two

Flexible: Mostly yes. Although routine has always played a big part of her life, as she is getting older change doesn’t faze her, and usually as long as she sees that the end result is the same, she isn’t overly bothered.

Easy-going: Yes she is very easy-going. She doesn’t look for arguments, and is a delight to spend one-on-one time with, but she can be demanding when the need calls for it.

Social: Extremely, especially with people she is comfortable and confident with.

Peacemaker: To date she is showing no signs of being a “peacemaker”. Unless you want to turn it on its head and use the phrase “walk-over” in which case I would say that she can be a walk-over, particularly when she is the less dominant child in the room.

Independent: A close relative recently defined Girl two as “having the perfect only-child personality” By this they meant that she is more than happy to go and play on her own, she doesn’t require her siblings to entertain her. Yes, independent she is.

Secretive: Oh my goodness, She is a child of such subtle cunning, you have to see it to believe it. She is such a good little liar, actress, and sneak that I have to stop myself from smiling a lot when telling her off. Her slight of hand is AMAZING!

May feel life in unfair: I am sure if you asked her this, she would say that it is unfair, and then probably perform the worlds best sulk to prove it.

Finally, Last child – The boy

Risk-taker: He knows no fear. He is the boy who will jump feet first into the swimming pool without any armbands on and give Mummy a heart-attack in the process. He is the boy who will try every type of new food put in front of him without asking what it is. This is the boy who will jump off anything. Why? Because he can. Because he wants to be Superman and fly.

Outgoing: At first he isn’t. Put him in a new environment with new people and although he is comfortable and confident, he is not what I would call “outgoing. For example he recently had his first settling in session at his new preschool, he went in and focused on the toy cars and trains. He was more than comfortable playing on his own with these. He didn’t immediately hunt out someone to play with. When other children came over the join in with his game, he was more than happy to make friends. He seems to be more silently confident than outgoing.

Creative: When he goes off on his own with his many toy cars, planes, trains, action figures I love listening to him. His imagination is simply wonderful to witness.

Self-centred: He is mostly a very caring and loving little chap, however he does have a streak of self-importance about him. This comes out occasionally but not all that often.

Financially irresponsible: Not relevant in this child – He is not yet 3 years old. Time will tell, but I sincerely hope he isn’t.

Competitive: This should be his middle name. Everything is a race or competition. Who is going to be first up the stairs? Who will finish breakfast first? Who will get dressed the quickest? It drives me absolutely insanely nuts! I am always the referee!

Bored easily: Like any child he is capable of having a short attention span. However, he attends football matches and manages to stay focused on those (which is more than you can say for me!).

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What’s my conclusion of my children and whether or not their personalities match up to the picture. If I am honest I don’t really have one I suppose. Not at this stage of their lives. I feel it unfair to base their entire temperament, personality and outlook of life on their ranking of birth. I am sure that many people could turn it around and say that Girl one is bossy because she is the eldest, but I can assure you that the other two are equally as bossy.

Each child is different. Each child has their own sparkle. Each child has it faults. And each child brings something different to our family, whether is it stubbornness, kindness or competitiveness. By bringing them up in the same way and loving them same, they will grow and develop in their own way. And I will continue to love them regardless of where their “ranking” is in the family.

 

 

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My miracle girl

I love all my children with all my heart, every mother would say the same. I do not have favourites. They are all equally annoying, loud, messy, hungry, expensive and loveable as each other. But they are mine, and I wouldn’t have them any other way. I wouldn’t give them up for anything.However, I count my blessings everyday that my middle child T is with us. She is my miracle girl in more ways than one. Statistically she shouldn’t really be here.

Me and my girl approx 3 weeks old

Me and my girl approx 3 weeks old

When I met the Husband, he had been married previously with two children (who I would add are pretty amazing step-children), and had undergone a vasectomy. When we got together we talked about having children ourselves, and investigated the possibility of having it reversed. However, we discovered that we would have to have the procedure done privately, at great cost.

We spent a long time, months and months,  investigating the procedure, discussing the possibility of the success, sorting out money. The Husband had to take a very long three and a half hour train journey to Hartlepool for a consultation, and came back with a pretty uninspiring and confusing set of notes, hand-drawn diagrams, quotations and paperwork.  His vasectomy had been carried out 13 years previously, and we were told that the success rates of reversals drops considerably the older the vasectomy. However we decided that we would go ahead and try. We had to.

So, we discussed everything with our other children, my step-children and my own daughter, with our parents (mixed opinions were given, sometimes a bit too harshly) and with our friends. We booked the appointment and waited. We were excited and apprehensive and I felt that this was a special journey for us to take together as a couple.

Bearing in mind the odds were against us, we remained positive. I will save The Husbands blushes and will skim over the gory details of the procedure-there are some things you don’t need to know about. I will however, tell you that only half of the reversal could be carried out (only one tube could be re-attached) so this in itself lessened our odds even further. I was starting to feel less positive about the whole thing. But I kept quiet and my doubts to myself

Following the procedure, like any, there were a list of do’s and don’ts given to us. One of these was that we were to abstain from sexual activity for 6 weeks following the op. ALL the rules were adhered to. (!)That would be one bloody expensive rule to break!

Neither the Husband or myself actually talked about the possibility of the procedure not being successful. It went through my mind A LOT; it must have gone through his too. I suppose we each kept quiet, so as not to scare or worry each other.

Well, as I am sure you can gather, the procedure WAS successful and almost eleven months after the operation was carried out I gave birth to my miracle girl. I am fully aware of just how lucky we were. I know many couples go through so much to have their own child. I know we were very blessed.

But she nearly didn’t make it. My T was born two weeks prematurely by emergency Caesarean section. Unbeknown to me, I had suffered a placental abruption (a condition where the the placental lining has separated from the uterus). This is a traumatic condition which can have devastating effects on the baby, and the mum. But I didn’t know this. To be honest I didn’t even know something like this could happen.  I had never even contemplated having a C-section, so didn’t know what this entailed. But looking back now it was scary, although that the time with all the midwives and registrars flying around, taking my blood-pressure, reading the print outs from the monitor, I didn’t have the opportunity to think about it. I actually felt happy, my body felt good. In my mind I was happy, I was in labour or so I thought. I do remember that I needed a wee, badly. Annoyingly though  I wasn’t allowed to get off the bed. Humph!

What I wasn’t told, until the day after, was that T was in trouble. I won’t pretend to know how they knew this, because I simply don’t. However, I suppose that I realised that something was up when the senior registrar came up to me and very quickly put a consent form on my stomach and told me that they were going to be carrying out a Caesarean section; it had to be done quickly, there was no ifs or buts; “the baby” was in trouble and this was necessary. Cue the tears.

Daddy/Husband and T less than one day old

Daddy/Husband and T less than one day old

I am not sure why I started crying. I was scared I think. This had not been in my plan. This was not what I wanted. I felt like a failure.

Being wheeled into the operating theatre was the scariest I have ever been; even more than when a spider is running at me! Husband wasn’t with me. He wasn’t allowed in whilst they were carrying out the spinal block (similar to an epidural, but short term). I was terrified. Everything was completely out of my control. I am actually struggling to put into words exactly how I felt. Anxious. Terrified. Disappointed. A failure.

Goodness knows how Husband must of felt. He was allowed in once the spinal block had been completed and I was prepped.

He sat next to my head and we just held hands. Gripping onto each other. It was very tense. The nurse who was on my other side was very reassuring. He kept talking to me, and trying to lighten the mood – a very difficult task. And I was very very grateful to him.

I do not know how long we were in there for. Time didn’t seem to have much impact. But eventually, after the feeling of having a washing machine on spin cycle going on inside my stomach had stopped, T was pulled out……there was silence….a lot of low talking (this did seem to go one for long time!) I held my breath. I was thinking the worst. I could hear someone counting the time. There was no sound; no crying. Nothing.  I do remember I my tears, rolling down my cheeks, running into my ears and gripping husbands hand, tight. And then she whimpered and my heart began beating again.

The relief I felt was immense. My heart was pounding so fast, but in a good way. T was fine. I think she just decided to enter the world in her own way.

Every time I watch an episode of One Born Every Minute where the Mum has to go have an emergency C-section, my heart goes out to them, and all those emotions come flooding back. T really is my miracle girl. Although it doesn’t stop her being any less annoying  than her siblings.

Me and my girl in hospital 1 day old

My miracle girl in 2013

My miracle girl in 2013

L & T - my girls back in 2009

L & T – my girls back in 2009