Tag Archive | dirty

The 12 week campaign – Week ONE

Varenicline (Champix® tm) is my new best friend, for the next 11 weeks and counting anyway.





One week ago today, Thursday 9th April 2015, I took my first little white pill with a glass of water after I had eaten, and waited….I had the day before been to see the Nurse at my GP’s and spoken about my desire to want to stop smoking and that I had tried by myself in the past and have never been successful; I always start smoking again. Stupid isn’t it.

  • I have tried patches on the arms; they made my arm red and itchy
  • I have used E-cigarettes; they just made me want a real cigarette
  • I have tried plain old-fashioned will-power……I am not that strong
  • I have stopped smoking following an bout of illness, whether it be chest infection/flu/sickness…..eventually I always started again.

I need help in doing this. I WANT to stop and stay stopped. I have three children and I would hate myself if they started smoking because Mummy did it. I am burning money, which I don’t have and actually need; I cannot justify the cost anymore. I have seen members of my family be very ill through smoking; I don’t want this for myself in later years.

Twenty years, yes I started smoking at the stupid, young and impressionable ago of 14 (!), I have had this “friend” and now is the time to let go. I’m making it sound like something I am going to be sad to say goodbye to; well I am actually but pleased that I am doing it. If you have had a habit, of any kind, good or bad, for a long period of time, suddenly losing that and not having it there is difficult. Like giving up your driving licence and relying on another form of transport, like changing a job, changing your diet, losing a friend or pet….suddenly that thing which has been an almost constant in your life is no longer there and you have be strong and carry on. I will carry on. I will be a non-smoker.

The Nurse I see, Jo, is absolutely completely fantastic. She isn’t patronising, but welcoming and understanding. I feel as if she really wants to help me, not just because she is paid to, but because she genuinely wants to see me stop. She explained how Champix works, and called the 12 week course “a 12 week commitment“. This made me think; it IS a commitment, to myself to improve and extend my life, health and bank balance. I am aware of the possible side-effects, which lets face it you get with EVERYTHING nowadays…..feeling sick – Yep I can deal with that, difficulty sleeping – please?! I have had three children I know what sleep deprivation is, abnormal dreams – yep I can handle these too. BRING IT ON!

So how have I found my first week? I hate to say it but relatively easy. Sorry. Actually with Champix you can continue to smoke for the first week , with a view to cutting down the number of cigarettes you smoke within by the end of the first week and then stopping completely by the end of the second week. Obviously when I returned home and told the Husband this I emphasised “I can still smoke” bit, like I was clinging on to the very last point.

I did continue to smoke. For the first 3 days I continued smoking but I also cut down how many I smoked…then Saturday night, fortunately (I say fortunately as I think in hindsight it was a silver lining) I picked up the sickness and diarrhoea bug that had been going around my house. Obviously the last thing I wanted to do was smoke, so I didn’t; and I haven’t since…..Well…I did fancy a cigarette on Monday morning, not because I wanted it, but because I always had one mid-morning in the past. I lit it and immediately I hated it. It tasted vile and I felt dirty.

I continued to not smoke, and I can honestly say I haven’t had any craving for nicotine; it’s the routine I’m missing. I miss having a cigarette with my morning coffee; when I get back from doing the school run; once the kids are in bed, to have a break from housework, after dinner, before bed…..

My first follow up appointment with Nurse Jo was booked for Tuesday, and I was excited to go and tell her how I well I feel I have been doing. I told her about the stomach bug, etc and she was thrilled with how I was doing. The real test was the breathalyser thing-me-bob (I don’t know what it’s called!) It is like a breathalyser you see the police doing on drivers they suspect have been drinking, but this measures the level of carbon monoxide (I think) in my lungs. During my first appointment my levels were at 18mms, on Tuesday (5 days later 3 of which I had not smoked for) my levels had reduced to 2mms!!!! Whoop Whoop!! I felt like dancing, and that gave me what I needed to carry on with the determination I have got.

Don’t get me wrong I know that the next 11 weeks may not be as easy, and I will have tests thrown at me, however this time I feel differently about it.

So, please think good thoughts for me, and keep things crossed that this time I WILL stop smoking and beat this horrible habit once and for all. I will let you know how things are next week…..

Much love




Fifty Shades of…. Yawn? Porn? I’ll decide!

Yes, here you go my opinion on everyone else’s opinion concerning Fifty Shades of Grey,  the notorious book by E.L James, which took the world by phenomenal proportions in 2011 and the subsequent film, which was released this past weekend.



Yes, I have read the books. No I have not seen the film, and neither will I, unless I am in my own home watching it on Blu-ray; I have no intention of going to see it in the cinema surrounded by strangers. I am not a prude, but I know what the story is about. WHY would I want to watch a film concerning BDSM, “vanilla sex” and light erotica anywhere other than at home?! Equally I have absolutely no problem with people who do chose to go to the cinema and watch the film, why you would want to go there on Valentine’s night bewilders me slightly, but hey each to their own.

What I DO have a problem with is people, on the news, in the newspapers, on the internet, in magazines, friends, acquaintances, presenters the television, the woman in the street, the man in the shop, all moaning about it, going on and on and on and on. If the story offends you, DON’T GO TO SEE THE FILM! If the story turns your stomach, DON’T GO TO SEE THE FILM! If you consider it porn, DON’T GO TO SEE IT!

For the love of God, please just stop moaning about it. It’s not as if this is a classic story, a childrens story a majority of us may have grown up with which has been manipulated, tweaked and completely changed by a film studio to make millions. No, this is a film which has been made purely because the book was such a complete and utter surprise hit with EVERYONE, women and men.

I myself also got caught up in the bubble of Christian Grey the summer of 2011. I can clearly remember standing in the playground at going home time, and noticing how almost everyone was talking about it in their own little friendship groups. Hands up, I did too! “What part were you up to? Have you got to that bit yet? I can’t put it down” But I wasn’t alone in the fact that nearly halfway through the second instalment, I got bored of all the sex. It became to frequent and “samey”. I wanted to read the story about how Anastasia and Christian got over various and sometimes bloody big hurdles, to be together, not necessarily keep reading about their sexual escapades.

When it was announced that a film was being made, I laughed with my friends and joked that we could have a girly night out, and attend the cinema together. I thought that I wouldn’t have a problem going to see it. I enjoyed the teaser trailer which was released last year. But as the release date got nearer such a fuss has been made about it, it’s turned me off the film altogether. My local Tesco had made a display within their underwear section for “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I saw that my local Peacocks store had made a window display for the film…….for me it is too much. It’s almost along the same lines as having Christmas advertised to me in August! Too much, too much, too much.

I enjoyed the books, a bit of escapism into a world where money is no object, desire is fraught with curiosity, lust and potential danger. I wasn’t alone in enjoying it. Admittedly I dare say that a many number of people read the book purely out curiosity, the books popularity soared by word-of-mouth and was dubbed “mummy-porn”,  I even know a few men who admitted to reading it to find out what the “fuss was all about, the wife is clearly enjoying it!”. Even so, all I seem to keep hearing over the last two days is people/media saying how rubbish the film is, slating it for various reasons, it’s not as good as the book; it’s not going to be is it?! If it was it would definitely be porn!

I will watch the film when it is released on Blu-ray. I will make up my own mind on whether the screenwriters have been successful in transposing the delicate and difficult story with its debatable sexual topic and putting it on the big-screen. If you find the film, the book, the topic of sexual tastes within the storyline uncomfortable and as some have been heard saying “dirty”, DON’T WATCH THE FILM. DON’T READ THE BOOK and please please please STOP moaning about it. If the film hasn’t lived up to your expectations, WAKE UP it is NOT PORN! But please people stop saying negative things about it – you along with all the those other establishments pushing the “Fifty Shades of Grey” brand have completely made me NOT want to watch the film, and I DO actually want to watch the film.

At the end of the day IT IS JUST A FILM. IT IS NOT REAL.

Thanks – Rant over.