Tag Archive | Family

Anxiety Art

So as I mentioned in my last post, I am suffering from severe anxiety. Currently signed off work, unable to go out, speak to people, deal with conflict, suffering from almost daily panic attacks…. I am a shadow of my former self.

I am on new medication and I am working on my mental health and confidence with the help and support of my wonderful Husband and family in an effort to get back to being me.

I have found one of the side effects of having anxiety, my brain has turned into jelly; I can’t think straight, I lose my train of thought, get confused, have at least 3 tasks on the go at the same time. I am unable to sit still and relax, for fear of slipping into a cloud of depression, anxiety and confusion.

Having gone from working fulltime and running the house, and family (1 husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs and 3 cats) to not having all the usual daily responsibilities, my brain (and hands) is starting to get bored. So I dug out the box of paints, blew the dust off the unused blank canvases and dipped back into creating. I used to paint a lot when i was younger and of course during lockdown, I picked up the paintbrush. But this time it’s different.

This time, I am using my painting as my therapy. I take myself into a corner of the kitchen, put Netflix or Amazon Prime on my phone and completely zone out. It stops the wandering thoughts. I become calmer. I smoke less, worry less and relax. I immerse myself in the canvas.

Although my family must be bored of me asking them if they like the current creation, I am at peace as I am my own master; I am not having to please someone. I am not being micromanaged, or belittled, or moaned at. I am not struggling against an unrealistic corporate deadline, trying desperately to keep at least 3 other people on track for their work-load. I have not got a little icon bleeping at me telling another email has been received or a Teams message has been sent. I am in my heaven for a while.

I have taken photos of some of the canvases I have done over the last 3 weeks. Some are not finished, as I lose interest quickly or I just suddenly feel the need to change completely the look and so I start a new canvas. I will keep all of them, as I have in the past. These are my stepping stones through life.

Below are a few of the canvases I have started, not all are finished in their entirety, for various reasons I find myself unable to complete them. I have uploaded them in the order I painted them. I think its obvious that my state of mind is evident in the painting. The last one at the bottom was started today, a canvas my mum has asked for; this will be completed tomorrow.

Bonjour amie perdue de vue depuis longtemps

Hello Friend.

Remember me. I have made myself a stranger for no other reason than life got in the way; I am deeply sorry.

One day turns into a week, a week into a month, a month into a year and before you know it, the years have flown past!

So much has occurred in the world since my last post; it seems an like a whole other lifetime…..COVID (nuff said), got a dog, changed employers, bought a house, moved into the new house, got another dog, son broke his wrist, husband broke his leg, new dog broke his hip……and breathe.

Not really sure where to start. But is safe to say that I have lots and lots to recall, share and put down in words.

The first topic I’ll be addressing is my experience living with anxiety. This will encompass coping strategies, medications, and how it affects my household and family. I’m even considering launching a side-blog specifically dedicated to this ongoing subject.

And so there it is, my first tiptoe into the blogging world for ages.

Singing off for now…. in the words of Arnie “I’ll be back”

S

x

Impossible…!?

I love this but unfortunately I don’t believe that as a race many of us are capable of this on a day-to-day basis. So much of daily lives are dependent upon being “online”. Emails, Facebook, online banking, Twitter, Paypal, Outlook, Fortnite, Instagram, TikTok, Amazon, Netflix, News, FaceTime, Zoom, Pinterest, WordPress.…the list can go on and on and on and on and on…. Personally I would not be able to function without my hand-size computer cleverly disguised and sold to me as a mobile phone. It is essential to me and my way of life but will it get to a point where our lifeline actually becomes our phones …??

Karma

Bite your tongue….rise above the small minded, vindictive, evil and cold hearted people of the world. 

Karma always works.

 

Upcoming posts……

Hi you gorgeous bunch of lusciousness….

It’s been a while…sorry…xx

I am in the middle of preparing a couple of, hopefully, quite good posts but…I would REALLY appreciate and enjoy having some input from fellow bloggers/readers. Just for fun really.

The first post is about SUPERSTITIONS – For example “touch wood”….Do you follow any superstitions? Do they get passed down within your family? Where do the come from? Are they unusual? Do you have any stories to share? Do you BELIEVE in them? Do you know the reason behind it? Do you pass them down to your own children?

The second is about MOVING HOUSE – one the most stressful things to deal with. How do you cope? Do you have any tips you can pass on? Do you employ a removal company or are you a Do-It-Yourself? What is the first thing you unpack? Any horror/amusing stories to share? Your top 5 tips…?

So if you’ve got anything you would like to add or have included I would love to hear from you. Please email me at  sdacolley@hotmail.co.uk making sure you include your name, your blog name and address (if applicable) at the top of the email; no later than 15th August please.

Oh exciting………I can’t wait to hear from you all.

BIG LOVE

xx

Closing the bath-time chapter

That time has come. The time I never actually thought would ever happen.  My babies all of sudden, way too quickly, without me even seeing it have grown too big to share a bath any longer. This makes me sad, very sad.

T now 5, and G, now 3, have taken baths together since G was a small baby.  Initially I started bathing them together to save time, water, energy, as I imagine many other mums with do when they have more than one child under 2 years of age. It was a success on all counts. I managed to get both children bathed and ready for bed, two for the price of one, I established a good evening routine, and both T and G developed a good strong bother/sister bond, and I had two clean children!

But over the last three years, the bath times have slowly become more infrequent, the evening routine has slipped, and the playful baths have turned into more of a squabble over space, toys, attention, who gets to take out the plug, and who gets out last.

Tonight really was the last straw for me, a sad one I realise now, but the last nevertheless. I lost count of the number of times an argument broke out over the lack of space. T wanted to practice her swimming, G didn’t want to move out of the way so he splashed her in the face, she pushed him, he kicked her, he got her hair wet, she pulled the toy out of his hand, it went on and on and on and on. Referring siblings is difficult at the best of times, but add a bath full of water and it just becomes a nightmare.

Therefore, for the sake of my sanity more than anything, I announced rather loudly in the middle of the last shouting match “That’s it! From now on no more baths together. You will have baths on your own!” . I rather naïvely thought that that would bring a halt to the noise; it did but not in the way I expected. They both cheered! They seem to like this idea.

So, while I have been clinging on to the idea that they enjoy their baths together, they have probably been wondering when Mum is going to wake up and realise that they want to bath solo. So it appears that another chapter in their childhood is closing. I’ll leave the bookmark in there though and revisit it when I want to remember my babies when they were at such a fun time in their lives; it has been a period of time and growing that I actually enjoyed witnessing and will miss.

S

xx

Age appropriate reading….?!

My 5 year old, T is in reception class at school and I am extremely proud to say is a real whizz at reading, writing and spelling – Cringe a proud mummy moment, apologies!

T reads anything and everything; adverts, road signs, newspapers, magazines, everything and if it’s a bit too advanced she still gives it go. I will be honest sometimes it gets a bit tedious, but I ALWAYS try to encourage it. On the other hand my eldest daughter, L, who has just turned 11, hates reading. She can read and is actually good at it, but cannot be bothered and finds it boring. I accept this, not everyone is a natural bookworm and each child is different in a variety of ways. My Husband and I have tried in vain to temp L to read more, but she just will not do it.

T’s school actively encourage reading at home, books are sent home with a “reading diary” so we can keep a record of what is read by T and how she is doing. I imagine this is fairly standard in all primary schools these days. We use this and always make a record for her teachers to see. If however I were to write in there all the things T actually read when she was at home, I would be forever filling the blasted thing in and would probably be asking for another one.

Last Sunday evening, I had just sat down to start a book my sister had lent me, “The Lincoln Lawyer” by Michael Connelly. I had never heard of it, and it looked quite interesting. (I now know that the book was made into a film in 2011 – a bit behind in the times on that one!) T came and snuggled next to me on the armchair and was asking me about the book, “did it have any pictures?” “Did it have any princesses in it?” etc, the normal things 5 year old girls want to know. I was four pages in to the book when T started reading along out-loud from the top of the page. I was happy to let her carry on with this and was excited that she wanted to. She did remarkably well.  T read probably one complete page, it took a while, but I was fine with that; it’s all good practise after all. I decided that I would put a note in her reading diary to let her teacher know, but instead of writing it in the book itself I put a wrote a note on a post-it, just outlining what she had done and letting them know. I thought, naïvely perhaps that they would think this was good progress. I was wrong!

Wednesday afternoon (2 days later!) T came out of school and inside her reading diary was a post-it note in reply, basically saying that T should be reading material more suited for her age, and they have given her more books to read at home. I was a bit dumbfounded, and felt like a criminal, like I should be run out of the school playground and locked up. Had I done the wrong thing by allowing her to read one page from one of my books? Could I have scarred her for life?

I relayed this to my Husband that evening, and he much like myself was slightly stunned. What is age-appropriate for a 5 year old? Only the books the school sends home? Am I only to allow her to read those? Do I have to discourage her from reading anything but those? If I had been sitting reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” then yes I could see where the school was coming from, but I was FOUR pages in a book about an American lawyer – nothing sinister had happened in the book at that point! Lets be honest here, T is only 5 she will not have taken in the story from the page she has read! However, now I each time I pick up my book to continue reading it’s been tarnished, as I get a heavy feeling in my chest, I’ve been made to feel like such a bad parent.

I have yet to speak to T’s teacher about this, and with the parents evening just around the corner I am very much looking forward to!

Do you censor what your children read? Was I wrong to encourage reading an adult book? I would be very interested to hear if this has happened to anyone else or what you would do, if anything? Please leave me a comment, let me know what you think.

Thanks

S xx

 

 

Personality Vs birth placement

So I saw this picture on Twitter recently…..

children

 

It got me thinking about my children: Girl one is 10 years old (going on 17!), Girl two is very nearly 5 years old and the boy is 3 on Saturday. Does this apply to my children in any way?

Coincidently, I was recently struck by a realisation that despite I have brought my children up in the same way, by the same rules, values and beliefs; they are all very different in personality. Girl one is sporty, tomboy-ish, nervous and eager to please and fit in. Girl two is a girly-girl, wants everything purple and sparkly, wants to wear dresses, be a princess with lipstick. Boy is football mad (yes even at the tender age of 2!), loveable, stubborn and loves laughing, and wants a bit of everything. So even though they have been raised following the same rules as each other, their individualism is starting to creep out.

But does the pecking order of birth into the family have anything to do with it? I have looked at the list and broken it down.

I will start with the First born: Girl one

Natural leader: When amongst her siblings, yes she is very much a natural leader!

High Achiever: As with most children I suspect, only when it comes to subjects she likes, enjoys and is good at. Jujitsu for example, she is doing brilliantly with this.

Organised: Not at all! I am afraid that her bedroom is like a constant bomb-site, clothes everywhere, can never find anything let alone remember where she left something. Very much the opposite in fact.

On-time: Mostly, but as with any child her timekeeping is usually handled by the parent. I suppose I will have to watch this space on this one.

Know-it-all: She very much likes to think so, but she isn’t afraid of asking. She will argue her point, especially if she knows she is right. Like Mother like Daughter!

Bossy: Yes Very. A mini-me in this respect. Occasionally she will over step the mark with her siblings. But she does like a good boss-about.

Responsible: She likes to think she is, and when given the confidence is showing good signs that she can be.

On to Middle child – Girl two

Flexible: Mostly yes. Although routine has always played a big part of her life, as she is getting older change doesn’t faze her, and usually as long as she sees that the end result is the same, she isn’t overly bothered.

Easy-going: Yes she is very easy-going. She doesn’t look for arguments, and is a delight to spend one-on-one time with, but she can be demanding when the need calls for it.

Social: Extremely, especially with people she is comfortable and confident with.

Peacemaker: To date she is showing no signs of being a “peacemaker”. Unless you want to turn it on its head and use the phrase “walk-over” in which case I would say that she can be a walk-over, particularly when she is the less dominant child in the room.

Independent: A close relative recently defined Girl two as “having the perfect only-child personality” By this they meant that she is more than happy to go and play on her own, she doesn’t require her siblings to entertain her. Yes, independent she is.

Secretive: Oh my goodness, She is a child of such subtle cunning, you have to see it to believe it. She is such a good little liar, actress, and sneak that I have to stop myself from smiling a lot when telling her off. Her slight of hand is AMAZING!

May feel life in unfair: I am sure if you asked her this, she would say that it is unfair, and then probably perform the worlds best sulk to prove it.

Finally, Last child – The boy

Risk-taker: He knows no fear. He is the boy who will jump feet first into the swimming pool without any armbands on and give Mummy a heart-attack in the process. He is the boy who will try every type of new food put in front of him without asking what it is. This is the boy who will jump off anything. Why? Because he can. Because he wants to be Superman and fly.

Outgoing: At first he isn’t. Put him in a new environment with new people and although he is comfortable and confident, he is not what I would call “outgoing. For example he recently had his first settling in session at his new preschool, he went in and focused on the toy cars and trains. He was more than comfortable playing on his own with these. He didn’t immediately hunt out someone to play with. When other children came over the join in with his game, he was more than happy to make friends. He seems to be more silently confident than outgoing.

Creative: When he goes off on his own with his many toy cars, planes, trains, action figures I love listening to him. His imagination is simply wonderful to witness.

Self-centred: He is mostly a very caring and loving little chap, however he does have a streak of self-importance about him. This comes out occasionally but not all that often.

Financially irresponsible: Not relevant in this child – He is not yet 3 years old. Time will tell, but I sincerely hope he isn’t.

Competitive: This should be his middle name. Everything is a race or competition. Who is going to be first up the stairs? Who will finish breakfast first? Who will get dressed the quickest? It drives me absolutely insanely nuts! I am always the referee!

Bored easily: Like any child he is capable of having a short attention span. However, he attends football matches and manages to stay focused on those (which is more than you can say for me!).

————————————————————————————————

What’s my conclusion of my children and whether or not their personalities match up to the picture. If I am honest I don’t really have one I suppose. Not at this stage of their lives. I feel it unfair to base their entire temperament, personality and outlook of life on their ranking of birth. I am sure that many people could turn it around and say that Girl one is bossy because she is the eldest, but I can assure you that the other two are equally as bossy.

Each child is different. Each child has their own sparkle. Each child has it faults. And each child brings something different to our family, whether is it stubbornness, kindness or competitiveness. By bringing them up in the same way and loving them same, they will grow and develop in their own way. And I will continue to love them regardless of where their “ranking” is in the family.

 

 

A new venture begins

So my Mum and I have bought a beach hut, which we are calling Doll’s House.

It’s very exciting for us, something we have wanted to do for a very long time, and recently we found ourselves in a position to actually go ahead with it.

I have created a new Blog for our  adventure, where we hope to capture the fun we have and keep a record our endeavours. Please pop over and have a read.

http://www.Dollsbeachhouse.wordpress.com

If you have any comments or advice that you want to share, please do!

Thanks

x